These are two thesis statements that I have begun working on, they are not final in any way. I had trouble wording how their usage hurts the authors in a way.
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Through the use and quotation of experts, authors Kevin Liptak, Theodore Schlifer and Jum Scuitto illustrate the point of America's poor internet security. Though their extensive use of experts are effective in supporting the argument, potentially hurts the audiences perception of the authors own knowledge.
I do not feel better about one thesis versus the other, and I think both are flawed. Whichever incorporates into my project best will be the one I most likely use.
Reflection:
I commented on http://engl109hblog.blogspot.com/2015/10/draft-thesis-statements.html?showComment=1444760894708#c2768981079646053976
and
http://deweydecimatrix.blogspot.com/2015/10/draft-thesis-statements.html?showComment=1444760553484#c781876996532466603
Through reading these I got a better idea as to what I should focus on when I write my thesis. Some were too vague and some where far too long and complex. I think that in comparison, mine thesis statements are not too far to either end which is good, but they could certainly be updated.
What I found most interesting about your thesis statements is that you seem to have a mixed message. Usually I was taught that thesis statements need to be strongly opinionated one way or the other so as to not hurt your final message, but I can see how in this case it might be necessary depending on the article you chose.
ReplyDeleteYour thesis statements are good in their framing of the issue and including the ways in which the author achieves their purpose. However, I agree that the wording is flawed and at times pretty confusing, and the last thing a thesis should do is confuse the reader about your purpose!
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